


Starry Nights

by megupic



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, My poor babies, Nightmares, PTSD, dark themes, i hope you all cry, this was actually really fun to write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:56:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7304146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megupic/pseuds/megupic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After facing a particularly difficult akuma, Adrien tries to deal with PTSD and his feelings for Ladybug while trying to pretend that everything's fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> So this started off as an angsty one-shot, but then I got the idea of how the aftermath would go. Enjoy!

“LADYBUG!” Chat’s voice echoed through the dense, black fog. 

He didn’t know where he was and more importantly, he didn’t know where  _ she  _ was. He’d lost track of how long it’d been since they'd started the fight with the akuma and it seemed even longer since he’d seen his partner. The akuma was a hard one this time — a little girl of all people — who turned out to be an illusionist and could mess with their heads and plunge them into their darkest nightmares or make things seem like they were there when they really weren’t. She was arguably one of the strongest akumas they'd ever faced off against, which was ridiculous because the girl was no more than six years old. Papillon must’ve been getting desperate.

“MY LADY!” he called again, but was answered only by echoes of his own voice. He wasn’t even sure if she was around him anymore, but that didn’t change the fact that he had to find her — and fast. Every second spent separated from her just made him more anxious, more terrified of losing the fight. She could be anywhere, she could be injured… or worse.

He shook his head, clearing the dark thoughts. He couldn’t think like that, no matter what. He just had to focus on finding Ladybug, then they'd be fine. Then, they had a chance of winning.

“Ch-Chat?” a weak voice sounded from behind him. His cat ears pricked up and swiveled towards the voice and he whirled to see a spot of red amongst all the black and gray.

“Ladybug?” he stumbled towards red, the beacon in the dark. His could hear her gasps, breathy and wet. Oh no… oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no no no.

She limped out of the fog and he stopped cold when he saw her. She was hunched over and limping, her ponytails were falling out, and her face was splotched with purple and blue bruises. She was hugging herself tightly around her midsection and her suit looked redder, darker, and slicker… he only realized she was bleeding out when he saw it dripping from her wrists down to the ground. There was too much, too much...

Then he was sprinting to her and gathering her up in his arms. Right when he got to her, her knees buckled and she fell against him. He slowly lowered her to the ground and held her tightly against him, one gloved hand pressed against her stomach.

“Ladybug! What happened to you, what did she do to you???” 

“I'm sorry, Minou… I was too slow this time.”

“I should have been there! I should’ve protected you!” he could feel the hot tears spilling out and down his face, soaking his leather mask. He didn’t care. He buried his face in her hair, breathing her in her scent that was so distinctly  _ her _ mixed with salt and copper. “It should’ve been me.”

She shook her head, the action taking an enormous effort. “Not this time,” she whispered.

“D-don't worry, I’ll fix it. We can fix this,” he assured her, although he wasn’t sure if he even believed himself. But somehow saying it out loud gave it even a slight possibility of being true.

Ladybug smiled at him sadly, her expression soft. “I think we both know this is something that can’t be fixed, Chaton. I'm sorry.”

“NO,” he practically screamed. “No don't say that! Don’t you EVER say that! You’re Ladybug, you  _ never  _ give up! You—”

“I’m not invincible, Chat, and neither are you. We both know that. We’re both just kids under these masks…” Her calm demeanor infuriated him further. How could she not be scared of dying? How could she just lie there and accept it? How could she not be fighting? She was  _ always  _ fighting!

“You’re not just any girl, Ladybug! You’ve never been just a girl, not to me! You’re so much more than that, you’re so much more to  _ me _ !” The tears were coming faster now and his voice cracked at the last word. “You… you’re my entire world. I can’t lose you.” He pressed his forehead against hers. He wasn’t ready to let her go, she couldn’t leave him alone like this.

She didn’t respond, only let out a long sigh, relaxing until her body slumped against his. Chat could feel the life seep out of her and he knew it when he was left holding just a body. But that didn't stop him from sobbing quietly into her hair, holding her close and tight, like a child might clutch at a toy.

And then she disappeared. Too soon, she faded into the fog until he was holding nothing but air and he was left sitting there on his own.

Chat let out an anguished, feral scream. 

Ten times. He’d watched Ladybug die  _ ten times _ so far, all of them different. At first he had fought back, filled to the brim with rage and territorial protectiveness over his lady, but with each death and as time wore on, he became more tired and shocked and worn down, shifting from anger to fear to trying to deny it all through humor until there was simply no more energy left in him. And this particular death… this one had been the worst. He’d seen some gruesome stuff from poisoning, to drowning, to being hung with her own yoyo string, but somehow having her die in his arms was worse. He’d actually been allowed to talk to her, to  _ hold  _ her, right before she was taken away again.

He wasn’t even sure if this kid the akuma possessed was even still there. This was all Papillon’s doing, all his design. What a perfect form of torture, dropping him into his worst nightmare and making him watch Ladybug die over and over and over again.

“Just make it stop,” he whispered through tired tears, “Please, just make it stop.”

“Chat! Chat  _ where are you _ ??” Ladybug swung down the streets of Paris, searching for her partner. It was an otherwise calm night, but that was only because the akuma, Starry Night, specialized in internal illusions. The little girl was putting all of Paris to sleep and trapping them inside their own minds where who knows what was happening to them.

Chat had  _ just  _ been fighting by her side until he’d been caught in the “dream dust” the akuma was using to capture her victims. Chat had paused for a second before his face had twisted into absolute panic and helplessness. He’d shouted her name once and then had taken off, leaping away from her over the rooftops before eventually dropping down to street level and losing her.

It’d been several hours since then and she still couldn't find him. She was just about to give up and try to take on Starry Night herself and just find him after Paris had been cleansed when she heard a soft whine, followed by a broken sob.

She followed the noise around the corner and that’s when she spotted him. He was sitting on his knees, slumped over as if resigning himself to whatever horrible reality he was seeing right now. His shoulders shook as he sobbed and there were claw marks scratched into the cobblestones beneath him.

“Chat…” she breathed, running to his side and kneeling down. She took his face in her hands and wiped away the tears that were staining his face and brushed his hair out of his eyes. He didn’t notice. His eyes were squeezed shut and his face was contorted into so much pain and loss and devastation that she felt a pang in her chest for her partner. She’d never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so broken. The closest she'd seen him like this was after the fight with Animan and even then, it was nowhere close to what he was like now. 

“Chat, c’mon, wake up," she said, shaking his shoulders a little. 

He didn’t seem to notice. Instead he started whispering, “Bring her back. Please bring her back,” over and over again, soon a fresh wave of sobs overtaking him. Ladybug’s insides felt like they were icing over and her heart nearly stopped. 

“Bring her back,” Chat begged, this time a little louder, a little more desperate.

Her… Did he mean her? Ladybug? He had to be, unless he had another important girl in his life. A mom, a sister? She had no real way of knowing since they didn’t share anything from their personal lives with each other. 

Ladybug found a new resolve. She’d break through the illusion. She’d done it countless other times with countless other akumas; this one shouldn’t be any different. She cradled his face in her hands, bringing his face close to her own.

“Chat, wake up, I’m right here. Please, come back to me.”

Her words had no effect, it was as if he hadn’t even heard her.  Ladybug frowned and tried again, “Chaton, I’m right here;  _ please  _ wake up. You’re having a nightmare.  _ Wake. Up! _ ” Again, nothing. She shook him harder and shouted louder, “CHAT! Chaton! Mon Minou! WAKE! UP!" She punctuated every exclamation with a sharp shake of his shoulders, but no matter how loud she screamed or how much she manhandled him, he remained unresponsive.

She growled at herself, frustrated. Maybe she was going about it the wrong way, maybe it required something other than words, something stronger…  

She raised a hand and slapped him straight across the face, the sound echoing down the abandoned street. His breathing hitched and the tears stopped coming. His cheek glowed pink and looked like it  _ really  _ stung. 

Chat whimpered and opened his eyes slowly. Ladybug couldn’t help the quiet gasp that escaped her. Her heart starting to pound double-time.

But when she looked at his eyes, her spirits fell. They were glazed over, gazing at something just past her. The green had dulled and what little of his eyes she could see beneath the green tint the mask gave them, she could tell his eyes were puffy and bloodshot. He was still stuck in the nightmare.

Ladybug felt something within her start to break and she let out a small sob of her own. Nothing was working and she  _ needed  _ him. Not just to save Paris, but to help her, give her the confidence to be Ladybug, to keep going. The night had already been impossibly long and it was only stretching longer and longer. She was tired and raw and  _ nothing was working! _ She wanted to scream or cry or both because she couldn’t do this on her own. Everyone believed that she could, that she was the strongest of the two superheroes, but they couldn't be further from the truth. They were equal in almost every way, they helped support and build each other up. She needed him to remind her why she was fighting and to encourage her and even, damn it, to annoy her with terrible puns and a constant stream of flirting. She needed his carefree spirit because without it, everything was just too heavy. She could feel the weight, she was being crushed by it. 

She gripped his face tighter, letting out another little sob, and pressed her forehead against his once more. She could feel the tears running down her own face now, the sobs coming one right after the other. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she pressed herself closer to him.

“ _ Chat please come back to me _ ," she sobbed, nearly screaming the request out of desperation. There was still one more thing she hadn’t tried. She moved slowly, tiredly, getting closer and closer to him until they were sharing the same air, her lips hovering just above his. 

_ Please let this work _ , she thought, softly pressing her lips to his. 

He tasted like salt, like tears and sweat, but his lips were soft. The kiss didn’t last longer than a second or two and she couldn’t help but feel even more broken when he didn’t kiss her back. So she pulled away just far enough to look into her partner’s distant and faded eyes.

“I’ll find a way to save you, Chaton. I promise.”

“How will you be able to save him when you can’t even save yourself?” a sweet, quiet voice came from behind her. The voice made her skin crawl and she slowly turned around to see Starry Night standing there.

Starry Night’s akuma form was actually quite beautiful and looked entirely innocent. The little six-year old girl was dressed in a simple nightgown that looked like it was made of the night sky itself, deep blue and black with sparkles resembling the stars. Her blue-black hair stood out against her pale skin. She was barefoot and carried a small, stuffed, black bunny rabbit with purple eyes. 

Small, pretty, unassuming, just like the night. But Ladybug knew better from fighting this akuma all night. She wouldn’t let Ladybug near her and if she moved, Starry Night would strike.

“I’ll find a way,” Ladybug responded, frowning at the akuma. Starry Night just shook her head, her dark eyes glistening and she reached into a small satchel that hung at her hip. Her dream dust bag.

“You can’t do that when the nightmares find you too. Just give me the miraculouses and I won't tell the nightmares where you are.”

“Sorry kid, but I’ll have to say no. You’re not going to lay a finger on Chat.”

“We’ll see about that," Starry Night said, whipping out a fist full of lilac dream dust and hurling it towards Ladybug.

The superheroine dodged just in time, rolling on her side away from Chat. She threw her yoyo and launched herself away just before another cloud of dream dust reached her. She glanced over her shoulder and saw the akuma flying close in hot pursuit, a determined look etched onto her face. Just past her sat Chat in the street, limp. She couldn't leave Chat, not now. She’d have to keep Starry Night away from him while trying to deal with the akuma herself, but stay close enough to try to wake him up. She just needed to get the rabbit and tear its fluffy little head off.

“Here we go," she muttered to herself before twisting around and heading back towards Chat, Starry Night hot on her tail.

 

“ _ I’ll find a way to save you, Chaton. I promise _ .” The words echoed around him and he pressed his hands against his ears even harder, his cat ears on top of his head pressing down against his scalp to try to cut off all sources of the sound. He couldn't see her, but her voice was louder than ever, echoing mercilessly around him. It was just a new form of torture, he repeated to himself. She wasn’t there and if she wasn't there, she couldn’t die. Just ignore her, just ignore her, just ignore her! 

He couldn’t escape, he already knew that, he’d already tried. At least, he couldn’t escape his mind. Maybe… If it would help just a little… 

He opened his eyes and tried to think of happy things, happy memories. If he was going to be stuck here, he wasn’t going to let the akuma have its way. He at least had enough will left to do this.

The dark fog around him dispersed and the sky started to lighten up. His surroundings blurred and sped up and slowed down as he thought of a single memory to conjure up. When everything stopped, he was standing in the courtyard outside of his house, air vibrating with pumping bass and multiple bodies jumping around with him. His 15th birthday party — the  _ only  _ birthday party he’d ever had. His heart swelled with gratefulness towards Nino who'd put it all together, even if he was an akuma… 

Adrien stopped dancing and looked around him. No one was smiling, just bouncing up and down with frowns or grimaces on their faces. Only The Bubbler was smiling. Right… Mostly everyone was coerced into participating in this party.

The memory around him dissolved quicker than it’d been conjured up, leaving Chat in the dark, foggy space once again. He needed a happier memory, one that wouldn't go bad. 

“Chat, wake up! I really need you right now!" Ladybug’s voice boomed around him, making him jump. Oh no, it was happening again… He couldn't let Ladybug come, he couldn't see her die again. 

He scrunched his eyes closed and concentrated. “C’mon Adrien, think, think…”

When he opened his eyes, he was in an entirely pink bedroom sitting in a swivel desk chair — Marinette's bedroom. The air smelled like baked goods and vanilla. Marinette sat next to him, her eyes trained on the computer screen in hard concentration on the game. They were training for the Ultimate Mecha Strike III tournament, he remembered. He hadn’t even realized that this was one of his happiest memories. 

Marinette was shouting at the screen, her tongue stuck out a bit between her teeth, her thin fingers dancing over controller. He’d never seen her like this, or at least, not around him. She was always nervous or stuttering and avoiding his gaze, but seeing her here, determined and with all of her walls down, he realized that he didn't know Marinette that well at all. She didn’t dislike him, and if she did, she wouldn’t have given him her lucky bracelet. He probably wouldn't be here at all.

Adrien felt a swell of rare happiness. He had another friend other than Nino and Chloe, or at least, a potential friend.

“Chat  _ PLEASE _ ," Ladybug’s cry cut in around them, making him jump almost ten feet in the air. Adrien growled and shook his head, willing the memory to solidify.

“Are you okay, Adrien?” Marinette asked distantly, quickly glancing over at him before turning her gaze back to the game.

“Uh… Yeah, fine," he muttered, shaking his head and trying to turn back to the game.

Ladybug’s scream pierced through the cracks of the illusion, shattering it. Chat convulsed, dropping to all fours, shaking hard. He couldn’t listen, this was just another torture session. He had to fight back, he couldn't let her get to him.

“Chat!” the call was weaker and followed by a pained, wet gasp. She was closer, practically next to him now. He looked around, but didn't see anyone. 

No. He wasn’t going to sit through watching her die for the eleventh time. He refused and squeezed his eyes shut, searching for another memory.

His tiny hands plunked at the ivory keys as he sat squashed next to his mom on the small piano bench. She was playing a beautiful, quick-paced melody, it made him want to dance and play at the same time, so he opted to plunk at the higher keys while he bounced along. His mother’s clear soprano danced around the room, making him laugh every time she bounced with the staccato notes. Yes this… This is where he wanted to be, with his mother at the piano on a bright Saturday afternoon with the double French doors thrown open to the balcony to let the warm air in. He could smell his mother’s perfume, flowers and citrus, along with the smells of Paris: spices, bread, and fresh flowers. The memory could have lasted all day, but soon his mother's melody ended and faded into a much softer, subdued tune. It was still beautiful, everything his mother played was beautiful, but it was sad too.

“Mom, why are you playing this?” he asked, furrowing his brow. This wasn’t what he wanted. He looked up at her, trying to find the answer in her expression. She smiled sadly and glanced down at him, some of her blonde hair falling into her face. He reached up and tucked it behind her ear, staring at her with wide, green eyes that matched her own. 

“Oh my sweet little prince,” she whispered her nickname for him. He smiled. He’d always liked it when she’d called her that. “You know this day can’t last forever.”

Adrien froze. This wasn’t how he remembered this conversation going. No, he  _ definitely  _ knew this wasn’t how it had gone.

His mother continued on, unaware of how stiff he sat next to her. “Why are you lying to yourself?”

Suddenly the sky darkened, the sun fading out until it was replaced by pale moonlight and twinkling stars. Adrien’s blood ran cold, slowly turning him to ice. He blinked and suddenly his mother wasn’t sitting there, but Starry Night, the little sleepwalking girl.

Adrien almost tripped from how fast he launched himself away from the piano bench. He stood in the middle of the room, fists clenched tight, leather sounding. He could feel Chat’s costume around him. The illusion was fading.

Starry Night turned around to face him, smiling sadly, a purple butterfly outlining her eyes.

“Poor  _ Minou _ ,” she said, using one of Ladybug’s pet names for him. He bristled. The name was sweet poison dripping from her delicate pink lips. “What’ll  _ your Lady _ do without you? Leaving her to the dogs, so cruel. Maybe even more cruel than me…”

“Shut up, Papillon,” Chat snarled, “I know it's you doing the talking.”

“I wonder how she’ll break? She’s pretty resilient, actually. I’m surprised she hasn’t broken yet.”

“ _ Shut up _ ,” Chat repeated.

“I’m sure it won’t be long now. She's getting tired and trying to protect you while fighting me? It’s simply exhausting!" she giggled, her high melodic laugh like nails on a chalkboard to him. He felt his leather cat ears on top of his head press flat against his hair as he bared his teeth at her. His tail twitched behind him restlessly.

“ _ Ooh _ , angry kitty! Well, I can’t talk for much longer, it’s better if I wrap this up fast.”

“Wait GET BACK HERE,” he snarled, lunging for her with his claws, but she just giggled and disappeared, leaving him in the dark, barren landscape of his mind once again.

He felt it rumbling and building in his chest and he didn’t stop it. He embraced the anger, the fatigue, the frustration, and let it all out in a scream that echoed for miles into the darkness until all of the air left his lungs.

That was it. There was no way he could run away from Starry Night, no matter what he tried. He couldn't get away from the death scenes, or Ladybug’s tortured screams. He didn’t think it was possible, but he’d find Ladybug and try to save her one more time. One more time and he’d give all he got or he'd die trying. She was worth it, worth risking himself for. Besides, if he couldn't win, he definitely didn’t want to continue on.

“Hold on Ladybug," he growled under his breath, “I’ll save you this time. I swear it on my life.” Then he took off into the thick fog, following the distant screams and sounds of battle.

 

Chat blinked and found himself leaning against a brick wall, his legs folded underneath him. He felt heavy with sleep, his limbs dead at his side. He groaned and shook his head, forcing himself up.

There was a heavy  _ thwack  _ across the street, followed by bricks cracking and a groan. Those were sounds he was used to hearing: the sounds of a body hitting the side of a building. He swiveled his head just in time to see Ladybug free-fall to the ground from the place where she’d been thrown. 

His body moved before his brain could issue the command and in an instant, he was intercepting her fall and catching her in his arms. He landed heavily on the ground with her, but managed to keep them both upright.

“Careful, My Lady, I’m the only one here with nine lives." He punctuated it with a wink. Ladybug’s eyes were wide with shock and she opened her mouth. He expected a reprimand or a snarky remark, but all that escaped those lips was a whispered, “Chat…”

She must have been really exhausted if she wasn’t reprimanding him. He was exhausted too, but he hadn’t been the one being thrown into the sides of buildings. 

“Glad to see I was missed. Now let’s get this over with so we can put this bedbug to bed, hm?” he looked pointedly at her, smirking his best despite how fatigued emotionally he was.

She managed an eye roll and nodded. “Okay.”

Chat stopped and set her down on her own two feet and they both regarded Starry Night, who was floating just a few feet ahead of them. 

“She's a persistent one,” Ladybug muttered.

“Tell me about it,” Chat returned, baring his teeth at the memory of Starry Night in his head. “So what’s the plan?”

Ladybug sighed. “To be honest, I'm not sure. We’ve been trying to beat her all night and it hasn’t been working.”

“I guess now would be a good time for a little luck,” he said, looking at her pointedly. 

“I suppose we have no other choice." She unhooked her yoyo from her hip and threw it up in the air, yelling, “LUCKY CHARM!”

The pink magic swirled around her, charging the night air, until it vanished a second later and a red and black-spotted folding fan landed in her hand. 

“Perfect, because cooling her would do a lot," Chat muttered sarcastically. Ladybug gave him a look before turning back to Starry Night. It only was a second, but Ladybug’s expression changed, her eyes narrowing and a small, devious smile curling on her lips. 

“That’s not what this is for… okay, follow me!” she threw her yoyo and launched into the air, heading straight for the akuma. Not exactly sure what she was up to but trusting her anyway, he sprinted after her.

Ladybug swung in a wide arc until she was circling Starry Night. The akuma stood there, looking at them calculatingly as they circled her.

“Chat!” Ladybug called, “Invade her space, get close to her and try to dodge the dream dust! We need to overwhelm her!”

“You got it, My Lady!” he called back, all too eager to take a few swipes at the akuma. 

Starry Night scoffed, dodging Chat, her movements as lithe as a ballet dancer's. “You’re honestly so dumb to try  _ that _ ? You must really be out of options.”

Chat pursed his lips together and swiped at the akuma with his staff. He wasn’t about to reveal how true that statement really was.

Ladybug, on the other hand, didn't look ruffled. She merely swung too close for comfort at Starry Night, making the akuma back up towards Chat until she was forced to dodge him as well. They both attacked relentlessly, quickly starting to overwhelm and confuse the poor girl.

“Will you both just  _ stay still??? _ ” 

Frustrated, Starry Night shoved her tiny fist into her bag and started to fight back, blowing the lilac dream dust at Chat and Ladybug. They had luck on their side this time because they dodged every single one. Chat was particularly motivated: he didn't want to let Starry Night back into his head.

Soon, the akuma ran low on dust. There was only one fistful left. It was a big fistful that had dust leaking out between her fingers and floating to the ground. 

“Just  _ GO TO SLEEP _ !” she screamed, blowing the large cloud at Ladybug. The superheroine  stayedstaid her ground, needing this to work. She waited until the very last second before the sparkling cloud enveloped her before whipping out the fan and waving it in Starry Night’s direction. The cloud of dust suddenly shot back towards the akuma in a surprisingly strong gale of wind. It was too fast and too soon that Starry Night found herself enveloped in her own lilac, sparkling cloud.

“NO!" she screamed, coughing and choking on the dust before going limp and dropping out of the sky, fast asleep.

Chat, who had stayed on the ground while Ladybug had fought in the air, dove for the little girl and caught her easily in his arms. She squirmed uneasily, a tiny frown on her lips, suffering at her own darkest nightmares. Chat quickly took the bunny rabbit from her arms and tossed it to Ladybug, who promptly ripped its head off and released the black butterfly.

The cleansing was quick and soon Starry Night was back to her original form, just a tiny girl in a nightgown, now sleeping soundly.

The sky started to lighten, the first rays of dawn bleeding through the dark night.

Ladybug joined Chat, gently tucking the bear into the girl’s arms. 

“I can take her home if you want, Chat,” Ladybug offered. But as soon as the offer was out, her earrings beeped and a spot disappeared.

Chat shook his head. 

“I can take her home, I didn’t use Cataclysm. You need to get out of here before anyone sees you though. People are bound to start waking up any minute now.” 

Ladybug looked ready to protest, but Chat’s grip tightened slightly on the girl.

“Don’t worry, I can handle it. Go, My Lady, get some rest. You definitely earned it.”

Ladybug visibly relaxed, the tension melting off of her body. “O-okay, I will. Thanks Chat…” but instead of taking off like she normally did, she hesitated, her lips turning down into a frown and her big blue eyes flickering to him, looking him up and down.

“My Lady?”

She shook herself of her stupor and pulled out her yoyo. “Sorry, must be tired. I’ll see you later, Chat. Get some rest once you get home, okay?” And then she was off, swinging through Paris until she was out of sight.

Chat sighed and looked down at the girl in his arms. 

“Yeah, like I’ll be able to get sleep after this.”

He took off, launching into the air with his baton until he landed on the rooftops, going the opposite direction to return the girl to her home.


	2. Unravelling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Wow, so it's been what? 10 months since chapter one? Oops.  
> BUT I have good news! I've made a plan to finish this fic before continuing on with my main fic When Adrien Met Marinette. It should take the rest of this month updating and finishing Starry Nights, so expect an update every week! YAYYYY
> 
> Also, I'm super proud of this chapter. It's the longest I've ever done and I feel like this fic already has so much more depth and better writing than anything else I've posted on this site. I worked WAY too hard on this chapter, along with my wonderful beta Moon, so yeah...super proud of myself. I really hope you guys enjoy!

Chat nearly tripped over the windowsill when he snuck back inside his bedroom. Far too distracted with what had just happened with Starry Night, he paid no attention to where he was stepping. He stumbled and hopped down, sticking his hands out to try to balance himself. He fell forward, catching himself on the arm of the couch.

Falling forward, he caught himself on the arm of the couch and managed to mutter, “ _De_ _transformé_ _moi._ ”

And just like that, Chat Noir disappeared in a wave of electric energy, leaving a very worn out Adrien and Plagg.

“Ugh, my poor aching body… that was one of the worst nights of my life!” the tiny kwami complained.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Adrien muttered robotically, trudging over to the mini-fridge by his desk and taking out a box of Camembert. He opened it and dropped it on the couch next to Plagg, then pulled off his shirt and collapsed face-first onto the bed. The coolness of his bedroom was soothing against his sweaty skin and aching muscles.

“Adrien?” Plagg sounded uncharacteristically concerned.

“Hm?” He couldn’t even find the energy to form any words for a response.

“You all right, kid?”

Adrien couldn’t help but give a tired scoff. “What, are you getting soft on me, Plagg?”

“The only thing that’s soft here is this Camembert!” as if to emphasize his point, the sound of him scarfing down another piece of cheese filled the silence. “‘Ou jus’ dun normlly gib me Cambear wiffout cmplainin’.” His words were muffled as he spoke around pieces of cheese.

It never occurred to him to swallow _and then_ speak, Adrien thought.

Out loud, he let loose another sigh and replied,“I’m just tired.”

A moment of silence, then he felt Plagg touch down on his head and curl up in his tangled hair. “Get some sleep, kiddo. You deserve it.”

He yawned. “You too, Plagg.” He didn’t even bother climbing into bed. He just grabbed the nearest pillow, buried his face in it, and drifted off.

***

The night was a beautiful one. The air was cool and still, the distant night sounds of the city a pleasant hum in the far distance. The City of Lights was an endless golden field spread out beneath his feet.

Chat sighed, content, and pulled Ladybug closer against his chest, resting his head on hers. He could hear her soft, measured breathing and feel the warmth radiating off of her body. The Eiffel Tower glowed in the far distance, a brilliant beacon jutting up from the rolling carpet of lights and shadow.

“Hey Chat…” Ladybug murmured. Her fingers twined with his, lightly squeezing them. He smiled and squeezed back.

“Yes, My Lady?”

“I was just thinking… why’d you do it?”

He had no clue what she was talking about. He chuckled. “You’ll have to be a little more specific than that, I’m afraid.”

“Okay,” she replied her chest rising and falling with each small breath. Ever so gently, she  twisted in his arms, until her bright blue eyes were turned up at him. She stared at him for a moment, before huffing a short breath, “Why were you late? Why couldn’t you protect me?”

And just like that, the air turned frigid. The warmth in his very bones was leached away, his blood freezing in his veins. He stared at her, breath caught in his chest.

“What did you say?” he formed the words slowly, not sure he was hearing her right. A crease had formed in between her brows as they pulled together. And he watched, perplexed, as her lips pulled down into a delicate frown.

“Why couldn’t you keep Starry Night from killing me?”

And then suddenly Ladybug was gone from his arms and he found himself standing alone at the edge of the roof. Below him, he could see nothing but darkness in place of Paris’s golden lights. He stared down at the inky black void in abject horror, paralyzing fear taking absolute control of his body, unable to move even if he wanted to.

And he very much wanted to.

And then hands slammed into his back, shocking him as he lurched forward and tumbled down into the endless pit.

He lashed out and his claws latched onto the edge of the roof, jolting him to a stop. He glanced up and saw Ladybug standing in his place, tears streaming down her cheeks as she glared at him.

“Why were you so _weak_ , Chat?” she demanded. “You’re supposed to be my partner and have my back!”

“I tried, My Lady, please believe me! Help me up!” he cried, knowing he couldn’t hold onto the ledge much longer.

She shook her head, the movement jerky, like she was trying to clear her head. “You had one job and you blew it because you weren’t strong enough! Why should _I_ save _you_ when you can’t even bother to return the favor!?”

“I did everything I could! I’ll be better! _PLEASE,_ My Lady!” Something in the back of his head told him the darkness below wasn’t made up of just _nothing._ And if he let go, if he fell… he’d join whatever was waiting for him down there.

“That obviously wasn’t enough, Chat. Goodbye.” She stomped down on his hand and he let go, tumbling down into the darkness.

***

Adrien jolted awake, lungs gasping for air and mind buzzing. A cold layer of sweat had broken out across his skin, making his hair stick uncomfortably to his forehead and neck.

He tried to get up, to turn over… to do _anything_ , but he couldn’t move. His body wasn’t responding to what his mind was telling it to do. With each ragged breath he could feel his panic rising higher and higher as his body continued to lay still.

Looking out from the corners of his eyes, Adrien looked to his bedside table, where the digital clock read 6:00. Only an hour had passed since he’d gotten home and he only had an hour to try to get some rest before school started.

“P-Plagg…” he whispered, not daring to speak at normal volume in the dark room lest any demons followed him from his nightmare and were lurking in the shadows.

“Hm? Whasit?” Plagg murmured sleepily from his spot on the pillow.

“I-I can’t move.”

The pair of acid green eyes snapped open and were looking Adrien over immediately. “What happened, kid?”

“I… I had a nightmare,” he muttered. Normally he’d feel embarrassed, sounding like a five year old, but at this point, he was too scared to even care. “I can’t move.”

Plagg pressed a tiny paw to Adrien’s slick forehead, worry heavy in his gaze.

“Aw kid, that akuma really got to ya, didn’t it?”

Adrien only hummed a noncommittal answer. He felt Plagg nestle against his face, the rare affection a greatly needed comfort. He felt himself relax just a tad and he dragged his arm up—the effort to do so tremendous—and cradled Plagg, petting him with a couple of fingers. Plagg purred, a small, gentle vibration that relaxed him further. Adrien let out a long sigh. Slowly, but surely, the feeling of fear started to loosen its iron grip over his body and he was able to to move a little more as time passed, relaxing bit by bit.

Eventually, Adrien had calmed down enough to be able to crawl under the covers and hold Plagg close on his pillow as they drifted off again, the heavy curtain of exhaustion dropping over them both.

***

Chat Noir stood in the center of an abandoned cobblestoned square. He instantly knew where he was—the square he’d fought Starry Night with Ladybug only hours before.

And lo and behold, there the little demon was, three meters above him in the air, her glittering cape floating around her like an ethereal, deadly cloud. Her eyes were closed as always, yet it seemed like she could still see him clearly. She turned her expressionless face in his direction, her head slightly cocked to the side, as if she were trying to figure out a difficult puzzle.

Then, she smiled, her lips curling slowly upward. It sent a tidal wave of terror slamming into him. It felt like an electric current surging through his entire being and sticking him to the spot like a magnet. Starry Night’s delicate finger then pointed directly below where she floated. His eyes followed the invisible line down to the ground, landing on his partner who stood there facing him, a small endearing smile playing on her lips. He sharply sucked in a breath, knowing exactly what was going to come next. She would die, horrifically and tragically, and he’d have to watch it all.

The shadows started to gather around the square, creeping closer and closer until a shadow being, humanoid and featureless, rose up with a shining silver dagger in its hand just behind Ladybug.

“No, stop!” Chat cried, but he might as well have been mute for all the good it did him.

“What are you staring at, Chato—?!” Her words were cut off and replaced with a strangled cry as the shadow being plunged the dagger mercilessly into her back.

It was like _he’d_ been stabbed instead, the shock and pain of it all gathering in his chest.

“LADYBUG!!” he screamed, straining forward, wanting to catch her before she dropped. This nightmarish hellscape evidently had a cruel sense of humor by granting his wish and allowing him to suddenly surge forward, the magnetic hold on him gone. But just as his claws grazed her arm, she disappeared like smoke.

He stared at the spot where she’d been for a second before twisting back around, Starry Night’s creepy, sleepy giggle echoing around the square.

Then he blinked and Ladybug was once again standing in front of him, a gentle smile on her lips once again. Her blue eyes twinkled in the night light and all he wanted to do was collapse to the ground and let loose the tears that threatened to overtake him. This wasn’t fair! Why was this happening to him?!

Suddenly, he felt a solid weight in his left hand and he looked down in horror to see that he was holding the dagger the shadow being had used seconds before to kill her.

_Oh no. No, no, no, no, no!_

“You’re my best friend, _minou,”_ Ladybug whispered softly, placing a hand on his shoulder, blissfully unaware. “I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I do without you.”

“Please… don’t…” he begged, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper. He hoped something, _anything_ would change from the previous nightmares.

But he was helpless to control his own actions and watched helplessly as he thrust the blade straight through her heart.

***

Adrien’s eyes flew open, nausea instantly gripping him. He realized what was about to happen and rushed to throw off his bed covers and sprinted to the bathroom, slamming the toilet seat up just in time to bend in half and hurl up the very few contents of his stomach.

Once finished, he weakly reached up and flushed the toilet, resting his forehead against the cool porcelain. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying until he noticed that his face was damp with tears. He wiped them away, closed his eyes, and tried to reorient himself. His ears were ringing and he couldn’t decide if the room was boiling hot or freezing cold, since it alternated every second. He was shaking violently and his muscles felt like they were made out of gelatin. Not feeling able to hold himself up, Adrien leaned heavily against the toilet.

“Adrien,” a quiet, concerned voice came from somewhere near his head and he felt Plagg sweep strands of his sweat-soaked hair out of his eyes. “Look at me, kid.”

He groaned, but cracked his eyes open, meeting Plagg’s bright green gaze just centimeters from his own.

“It was just a nightmare. Whatever you saw, it wasn’t real.”

“I-I know,” Adrien croaked.

“You’re okay, you’re safe,” Plagg came closer, pressing his forehead against Adrien’s. It meant a lot, considering Adrien probably reeked of bile and sweat.

“I killed her, Plagg,” he whispered, feeling a sudden swell of emotion, the dam inside him breaking before he had a chance to stop it. Tears raced down his face and before he knew it he was sobbing uncontrollably. “I h-had to w-watch her die a-and then I-I-I killed he-er myself!”

“Shh, shh, it wasn’t real. She’s fine, she’s safe and so are you. You’re okay.” He was aware that they both knew he definitely wasn’t “okay” but he knew what Plagg was getting at. Gratefully, Adrien pulled his kwami to him.

“We beat her,” Plagg continued to murmur, “We beat the akuma and Papillon tonight; it’s okay.”

Adrien wasn’t sure how long they spent sitting there on the bathroom floor. Plagg continued to murmur words of comfort, while Adrien sobbed until the tears dried up and exhaustion came over him like a heavy blanket. When that time came, Plagg looked him up and down with his acid-green eyes, a sad, sympathetic frown on his face, “Try taking a shower, relax and clean yourself up. Then we can try going back to bed again.”

Adrien sniffed and wiped at his damp skin. “It’s probably too late for that. Nathalie should be here soon to wake me up for school.”

“Are you sure you should be going to school when you’re like this? You’re exhausted, Adrien, you haven’t slept—”

Adrien glared at his kwami. “What else am I supposed to tell her? As much as she knows, I went to bed early last night.”

“Uh, that you’re sick? Kid, you just puked your guts up. You’ve earned a sick day. I’m sure even the Queen of Ice will be able to see that.”

“I’m fine, I just need a shower.”

“But—”

“Please, Plagg? Just… give me a few minutes.”

Plagg was obviously reluctant to leave Adrien, but eventually sighed and said, “If you need me, just yell. I’m serious, kid. I can’t have you passing out in there.”

“I won’t pass out, I promise.”

Somewhat satisfied with that answer, Plagg nodded and flew out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Adrien sighed and hauled himself up, stripping his sweat-soaked clothes and dropping them into a heap on the floor, and headed into the shower.

***

“Dude, you look like you got hit by a train,” Nino noted when he saw Adrien about an hour later. His hair was disheveled and hanging in his face, dark purple bruises were heavy under his eyes, and he gripped at the handle of a travel mug full of coffee.

“Yeah, it was a rough night,” he mumbled.

“Dude, I heard there was an akuma last night that stuck people in their worst nightmares! That didn’t happen to you, did it?”

“Actually…” Adrien broke eye contact with Nino, favoring to instead stare at a crack in the ground.

“Dude,” Nino clapped a hand on Adrien’s shoulder. He tried not to flinch. “That sucks, I’m sorry.”

Adrien shrugged. “It’s over now, I’m fine. Just tired,” he gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile. It must’ve not been very convincing though because Nino eyed him warily. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything further on the subject.

“Let’s head in. Maybe you can catch a couple of z’s before class,” Nino started to lead him up the school steps. Adrien didn’t bother to tell him that sleep would probably be impossible.

***

"Adrien? Are you listening?"   
He flinched from the sudden call out, his gaze jumped from the view outside the classroom window to Madame Bustier, who was looking at him expectantly.

_Crap…_

“Um, sorry, Madame… what was the question?” he felt hot blush bloom on his cheeks as a couple of giggles sounded from behind him. He ignored them.

Madame Bustier just sighed and replied patiently, “Can you tell me a main theme of the work we read for the homework?”

“Uh…” he blinked stupidly at her, feeling frustration and annoyance at himself start to arise. He’d read the passage last night before patrol, so why couldn’t he remember any of the notes he’d made? “I um… I can’t remember, sorry Madame. I guess it’s just not my day.”

“Hm, alright, Adrien. Just come to class more prepared next time. How about you, Nathanael? Can you tell us a theme?”

She paced away from him and he felt the hot shame of embarrassment heat his face just as he heard a whisper behind him, “Finally, Mr. Perfect’s not so perfect after all.”

He whipped around to glare at the source of the comment and saw Kim leaning over to Alix, smug smile plastered onto his face. The jock glanced over and locked eyes with Adrien, his smirk widening and eyes narrowing in a silent challenge.

 _Jerk_ , Adrien thought as he turned back around and glared at his notebook instead.

“Yo, dude,” Nino’s whispered over to him. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Adrien lied, “I’m fine.”

Nino shot him a dubious look, obviously not fooled. He  raised an eyebrow at him so Adrien added, “Kim’s just a jerk.”

That seemed to work. Instantly, the crease in Nino’s forehead disappeared. “What’d he say, anyway?”

“Apparently I’m _not_ perfect, whatever that means,” Adrien muttered sullenly, flicking a piece of paper off the desk.

“Well… to be fair man, you _are_ kinda perfect.”

Adrien shot him a dirty look. Really? Nino was his best friend, wasn’t he supposed to have his back?

“Hey, don’t look at me like that. I only said it because that’s what it _seems_ to people,” Nino defended. “Y’know, son of fashion star Gabriel Agreste, famous teen model and heartthrob, gets straight 20s, does a bunch of artsy and rich hobbies on the side?”

Adrien opened his mouth to protest. Just because he was all that didn’t mean anything, but Nino held up a hand to stop him. “I know you’re not perfect, man. I’m just saying that’s what a lot of people think. Don’t listen to them, they don’t know you. Besides, who else’s opinions really matter other than your friends’?”

Adrien offered a dry smile. “So you mean yours?”

“Well yeah,” his gaze flickered to something behind Adrien, if just for a split second before resting back on him. “But not just me.”

Adrien pushed down another wave of annoyance. What was _that_ supposed to mean?

“Okay class!” Madame Bustier called suddenly, clapping her hands together, causing Adrien jump. “Before class ends, we’re going to go over the upcoming literature presentation. This will be a group project—”

“Will we get to pick our partners?!” Adrien wasn’t sure who demanded it first, but in a split second, the room was filled with questions. Shouts bounced around the room as everyone attempted to find out more, demand certain people as their partners, or simply shut the rest of the class up.

Adrien grit his teeth together, biting down on the annoyance that was bordering on anger. Couldn’t anyone just shut up and _listen_ before shouting over each other?

Madame Bustier clapped loudly in a familiar rhythm— _clap, clap, clapclapclap_.  Each sound sharp enough that they sounded and felt more like a whip to Adrien.

Instantly the class fell silent.

Sighing in relief, Madame Bustier continued, “I will be picking your partners for the sake of ease and the opportunity to work with someone you don’t normally work with. Now without further ado, I’ll go ahead and get started if there aren’t any other objections.” She cast a pointed look at the class, daring them to start yelling again, and when they sat there silently, she picked up a piece of paper resting on her desk, cleared her throat and announced, “Adrien will be working with Marinette—”

“Madame Bustier,” Chloe immediately butt in, “I’m sorry for interrupting, but I really don’t think they would be a productive team.”

Adrien released a tired sigh, rubbing at his head, a headache already forming. Any other day he’d be able to just brush off Chloe’s rude and selfish comments, but today… his head throbbed and his eyes ached from being open for so long. He just wanted to sleep.

“… I’m sorry Chloe,” Madame Bustier was saying, “but I’ve made up my mind.”

“But Madame—!”

“Chloe, please…” Adrien finally spoke up.

His voice was quiet though, and was drowned out by Alya who snapped,“This doesn’t even concern you, Bourgeois!”

“Um, but it does!” Chloe whipped around so fast to snap at Alya. Adrien was surprised she didn’t get whiplash. “I’ve known Adrien the longest and I know how he works and communicates!”

“Chloe…” Adrien tried again, but it was in vain. He was too quiet and Chloe was on a roll.

“… We would be an efficient team and will be _sure_ to give a flawless presentation. Adrien wouldn’t be able to get anything done with Marinette—”

“Chloe—”

“All she does is stutter around him. How are they going to be an effective team if she can’t even get out a full sentence when talking to him—”

“Chloe!”

“—much less communicate efficiently and partner a full on project with him. All I’m saying is—”

“CHLOE STOP!”

Adrien didn’t realize it’d been him who’d yelled until a split second later when he noticed he was standing up.

“You’re blowing this way out of proportion!” he continued, his chest heaving from the strain of yelling over everyone, flushed, and glaring at his childhood best friend, “Madame Bustier is the teacher and she probably had good reasons to pair me up with Marinette. I don’t need you fighting my battles for me and I _especially_ don’t want you insulting others on my behalf. Can’t you just sit back for once when it comes to things involving me?!”

He stood there in the boiling hot room, head feeling like it was about to explode. In that moment, he didn’t feel exhausted anymore. He just felt _angry._

Then he realized how quiet it was in the room. He blinked and looked around to find everyone staring at him, jaws dropped and eyes wide in complete and utter shock.

He pursed his lips together in a tight line. Why were they so shocked? He was human, just like they were, and he was allowed to get angry.

A small, soft pressure on his ribs caught his attention—Plagg. His kwami was patting his side and rubbing circles into his shirt. Adrien allowed himself to focus on the comforting motion. He felt all the anger slowly drain out of him, leaving him even more exhausted than before.

“Um… sorry,” he muttered, slowly sitting back down and silently wishing he could disappear into his hoodie and never come out again.

There was another awkward moment of silence before Madame Bustier recovered and cleared her throat before saying, “I’ll warn all of you this time, but if I get interrupted again, I’ll start sending people to the principal’s office. Is that clear?”

There was a chorus of “yes ma’am”s and hums of reluctant agreement.

“Good. Now, moving on, Chloe, you will be paired with Kim and that’s that. Ivan, I have you paired with…”

Adrien started to tune out as he picked up his pen and started doodling aimlessly in his notebook. Lunch hour needed to come faster.

***

As soon as Madame Bustier announced class over, Adrien started stuffing his things into his bag, determined to get out of there as quickly as possible. He could probably find a quiet corner in the library and try passing out for a few minutes. If he was lucky, maybe he would be too tired to dream…

A heavy hand clapping his shoulder interrupted his thoughts and the next thing he was aware of, Nino was being pinned to the desk, one arm pressed tightly to his back.

“Dude, what the hell?!”

“Adrien!”

“Whoa, dude’s secretly buff…”

Adrien stared down at Nino who stared back up at him with horror and shock. With shock and revulsion at himself, Adrien let go of Nino and pushed himself away. His mouth had gone dry and he was all too aware of everyone remaining in the room staring at him.

“Dude…” Nino got up and rubbed his shoulder, wincing. “Are you okay? I didn’t even know you knew moves like that!”

“Uh, um… sorry, man. You surprised me,” was all Adrien could think to say.

“Yeah, no kidding! I’ll make sure to warn you or something next time, _geez_ …”

“I’m sorry,” Adrien repeated, not knowing what else to do or say. “I um, I’m not myself today. I-I should get going though. I’ll see you after lunch.” He didn’t wait for Nino’s answer as he booked it out of the classroom and headed straight for the library.

“Hey kid, what’s going on?” Plagg whispered from beneath Adrien’s sweatshirt collar.

“Nino just surprised me is all. I must’ve gone into defense mode and pulled a Chat move on him…”

“Okay, can we go home now _please_?? You’re jumpy and irritable and exhausted. The scary lady can pull you out, you don’t even have to fake. You look like hell, Adrien.”

“I’m fine, Plagg. I just need to rest. We have a little over an hour before class starts again, I have time. If I call Nathalie then she’ll flip and we’ll be spending the rest of the day in doctor’s offices. Is that what you want?”

“What I _want_ , is my charge to be okay. And you’re clearly not that.”

“While I’m touched by your concern, Plagg, I’m fine. Just go to sleep, you need it just as much as me.”

Plagg hesitated, silent as they entered the library. Adrien wove his way through the bookshelves until he found a secluded, shadowy corner and dropped down to the ground.

“Fine, but if you judo flip anyone else today, we’re leaving. Got it?” the kwami muttered, mildly exasperated.

“Got it,” Adrien promised, although he didn’t really believe his own words. It was the fastest way to shut Plagg up so he could get some sleep. He pulled his hoodie up over his head, cuddling into the soft fabric and closed his eyes.

***

The night was dark and the shadows stretched long around Chat Noir, but that was okay. While Ladybug oversaw the day and kept the peace, _he_ was lord over all the night. He blended in with the shadows of the tall trees on either side of him as he prowled through Le Jardin des Tuileries, idly swinging his staff by his side.

All was quiet, except for the occasional whisper of the wind and crinkle of leaves skittering across the ground.

He couldn’t remember why he was in this part of the city exactly… but he figured he was on patrol, as usual. Another quiet night.

Suddenly, a figure turned onto the path, features obscured by the shadows. Chat tensed, gripping his staff as the figure slowly approached, getting closer and closer until…

“Nino?”

Chat stared at his best friend in confusion. What was Nino doing all the way out here in the middle of the night? The gardens weren’t anywhere near Nino’s house, so why was he here?

Nino didn’t seem to think anything was wrong though, because he just made a face and laughed. “Yeah, man. Why do you sound so surprised?”

“Um… because you don’t know me? A-and it’s in the middle of the night?”

Nino’s brow knit in confusion. “What are you talking about man? You’re my best bud! How could I not recognize you?”

Adrien was dumbfounded. “W-wait a second. How do you know I’m Chat Noir?”

Nino’s frown deepened in further confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Adrien. You’re nothing like Chat Noir!”

“What?” Adrien glanced down at himself and saw, in horror, that he was in his civilian clothes. He touched his face and where he expected to feel a black, leather mask, he only felt smooth skin. He glanced down at his hand and saw that his ring finger was naked, no miraculous at all.

That’s when the night seemed to darken and the shadows stretched further. The gentle breeze picked up to a full on gale before dying down once again.

There, in front of him, stood Papillon, all wrapped in shadows save for his glittering black eyes that gleamed beneath his skin-tight silver cowl. His thin lips pulled into a menacing grin. He looked far too pleased with himself.

“It looks like I finally caught you, Chat Noir.” He chuckled a low, dark laugh. It seemed to echo all around them. “Who would’ve known the city’s notorious hero would be none other than teen model Adrien Agreste? It’s almost laughable.”

“Papillon…” Adrien breathed, the chill of the night seeping into his bones and raising gooseflesh on his arms. He could feel his hair standing up on edge. “Nino, run.”

“What? I’m not leaving you behind, man! There’s no way you can beat him! You’re just a normal kid!” Nino argued.

“Just _go_ Nino!”

Papillon laughed, the shadows around them trembling. Adrien realized they weren’t shadows at all, but dark akuma, starting to swarm.

“Give me your miraculous, Chat Noir. I’ve already taken care of your partner. Fighting will do you no good.” The akuma took off in a dark cloud, revealing a prone figure on the ground, bathed in the cold moonlight.

“Ladybug!”

Except she wasn’t Ladybug… not really. The suit was gone and her body was broken. Was she breathing? Dressed in normal civilian clothes, her black hair covered her face, keeping her identity hidden, even in defeat.

“Do you see now, boy? You’ve lost. Give me your miraculous and I’ll make it easier than I did for her.”

Adrien couldn’t breathe. He was too cold and all he could focus on was Ladybug’s broken body in front of him. He knelt numbly beside her, his fingers brushing her black bangs.

“You’re sick…” he whispered, blinking back tears. He glared up at Papillon’s looming figure. “We’re just kids and you did this to her?! All for some jewelry?!”

“You clearly do not see the full picture here, boy. The miraculous are far more than _pieces of jewelry_. And you clearly don’t value yours, so you might as well hand it over.”

Adrien’s looked back down to his bare hand and his heart sank.

“But I don’t _have_ my miraculous…”

Papillon scoffed. “Lying will do you no good here, Adrien. Hurry up and hand it over.”

“But I don’t have it!” he insisted as the shadows closed in.

“Adrien, come on!” Nino’s voice came back to him. “Snap out of it man, we gotta go!”

“But I can’t leave her!” Adrien argued, glancing back at Ladybug’s form. He couldn’t leave her here to Papillon’s mercy.

Above him, the villain sighed with impatience. “It looks like we’ll have to do this the hard way, boy. You’ve brought his on yourself.”

Then a pair of arms grabbed Adrien and hauled him screaming into the darkness.

***

He fought off the pair of hands in front of him, swatting them away. “Let me go!” he yelled.

“Adrien, calm down!”

He forced his eyes open and blinked. He was still in the library… what time was it? Was he late for class? He swiveled his gaze to the person in front of him—Nino… and behind him were Alya and Marinette, looking at him with, what was it? Worry? Concern? He looked back to Nino, whose expression was twisted into worry.

“Dude, you’re okay, calm down…”

It was then that Adrien realized he was gasping for breath and shaking from head to toe. His hair clung to his skin, which was slick with sweat. Not again…

“H-How long was I out?”

“Dude, _that’s_ what you’re worried about? You’re fine, lunch hour’s almost done. We just came looking for you and I’m glad we did. What’s going on with you, bro? Are you sick? You woke up screaming, that’s _so_ not okay…”

Adrien swallowed, his throat burning. “N-no, I’m not sick. I’m fine.”

Nino scoffed. “You’re far from fine, dude. People who are fine don’t wake up screaming and trying to murder their best friends. People who are _fine_ don’t pin their friends to desks because they were surprised. Is this because of the akuma last night?”

Adrien heard the sound of a gasp and glanced up to see that Marinette, her eyes blown wide. Maybe she’d been affected by Starry Night too.

“I think I’m going to go home,” Adrien said, looking back to Nino. “I just need sleep. I’ll be fine, I promise.”

Nino gave him a dubious look, but didn’t argue. He gave Adrien a once-over, as if seeing any physical wound would tip him off to what was going on in Adrien’s head. It seemed like forever until Nino sighed, straightened, and offered a hand to Adrien.

“Call your ride, I’ll wait with you. And man, you _better_ get some sleep or I’ll find you myself and force sleep on you and you don’t want that. Deal?”

Adrien let out a shaky laugh. “Okay, deal…”

He sincerely hoped he’d be able to do what Nino asked, but he had a sick twisting in his gut that told him otherwise.

  
  
  
  



	3. Lament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter everyone! And I say that because while I hope you have a great day, you'll have to find the happiness elsewhere because this is a SAD CHAPTER (what chapter in this fic isn't sad though omg) Anyways, hope you have a great time whatever your plans are, and if not, I hope you enjoy this chapter and consider it my Easter present from me to you :)

“Chat!”

Adrien flinched and turned to Ladybug, who was looking at him with a frown on her face. The wind whipped through her pigtails and caused a few stray strands of hair to flutter around her face as they made their way across the rooftops of Paris. If he hadn’t been so distracted, he would have marvelled at how beautiful she looked tonight.

“Sorry, My Lady, what did you say?”

She sighed and yanked on her yoyo, easing herself to a stop and touching down on a nearby roof. He followed her lead and landed next to her, retracting his baton. Her expression softened as a delicate crease had formed in the middle of her brow and her lips were stretched into a thin line.

“What’s on your mind,  _ Chaton _ ? You’re quiet. You’re not acting like yourself.”

He didn’t  _ feel _ like himself, that was for sure. His stomach had been constantly hurting, like it was trying to twist itself to shreds. It always seemed to be joined by a voice in his head reminding him that he was a failure every time he threw up or woke up in a cold sweat. 

He  _ was  _ a failure. If he’d been strong enough when facing Starry Night, he wouldn’t be in this situation. He wouldn’t be having nightmares. He wouldn’t be afraid for Ladybug’s life with every turn they made. He swallowed the lump starting to form in his throat and forced himself to grin at her. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about, My Lady. I’m fine, just tired is all.”

She raised her eyebrows in a challenge, as if to ask,  _ really? _

“Just because I can’t see the bags under your eyes doesn’t mean I can’t tell you’re more than just ‘a little tired’.” She placed a hand on her hip, bright blue gaze meeting his unflinchingly. “I’m your partner, Chat. I don’t like it when you hide things from me.”

“You wound me, My Lady,” he said dryly. “I wouldn’t keep anything from you.”

“So will you tell me what’s on your mind?”

“A lot is just happening in my personal life right now.” Immediately he watched as she relaxed her stance and backed off. He felt bad about playing the “real identities” card, but honestly, that was the best way to make her stop asking questions. He knew she stuck to their kwami’s rules better than he usually did and technically, he hadn’t lied. A lot  _ was  _ happening with Adrien Agreste, he just didn’t want to go into detail about it. He didn’t need her to pity him right now.

“Oh, okay…I know I can’t help you in your personal life, but can I do anything here? Can I do anything to help you, Chat?”

He smiled down at her. “My Lady, all I need is you here with me. You’re the shining light in my dark night sky and without your very presence, I’d be completely lost.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to it. She reacted how he’d hoped she would and pushed him away by his nose gently, although when he looked up at her, her smile was tight, reserved. She knew he wasn’t being complete upfront with her.

Thankfully, she didn’t push. 

“Shall we get going then?” she asked instead. “We still have half of Paris to cover before settling in for the night.”

His stomach twisted at the thought, but he easily gave her his literal award-winning smile and said, “I’m right behind you.”

***

They came to a stop on the roof of the Sacré-Cœur Basilica on Montmartre, overlooking the majority of Paris on a high hill. At this time of night, the valley glittered gold as far as the eye could see. Normally, it would be very pretty, but to Adrien, it only made him want to puke as he thought of his nightmare from the other night. Below them, a small crowd had gathered like they normally did on the lawns and steps leading up to the church. 

The sound of an acoustic guitar floated up to them. The air was filled with the smells of cigarette smoke and beer, which only made Adrien even sicker. Were these people even aware everything he and Ladybug did so they could have casual, carefree evenings with their friends and not have to worry about anything? 

He and Ladybug had come so close to losing to Starry Night, to endangering all of Paris, and it was all because he had been stupid and let the akuma control him for the entire night. If it hadn’t been for Ladybug, the one competent person in their team, these people might not even be here right now, blissfully unaware of the threat against them.

“ _ Chaton _ ?” He glanced over at Ladybug, who was looking at him expectantly. “Ready to keep going on? We’re almost done.”

“Um, yeah, let’s go,” he muttered, extending his staff.

But just as they were about to take off, a sudden  _ BANG,  _ followed by the sound of shattering glass caught him off guard. He whirled around, staff at the ready, gripping it so hard he lost feeling in his fingertips.

His eyes scanned the area: the base of the church, the shops and cafés, the spreading lawn and down to the city leading to Moulin Rouge. His heart pounded so loud he could hear it in his ears. 

“Chat, are you okay?”

He ignored her and continued searching for the unknown threat until his night vision landed on a couple in the darker part of the lawn near the trees. They giggled and whispered to each other and wobbled as they separated from the bigger group, no doubt to snag some alone time for themselves. Behind them was a trash bin lying on its side surrounded by the glittering remains of a beer bottle.

“Chat?”

It was just a stupid couple. Just some drunk college students. Not an akuma. Not  _ him.  _

He tried to relax his posture and forced himself to look at Ladybug.

“Uh, it’s nothing, Ladybug. I thought I saw something. It’s just a couple of college students though.”

“Okay…” she said reluctantly, taking an extra long time to watch him before casting out her yoyo.

“C’mon, I bet I can race you to the Arc du Triomphe and win,” he challenged.

The competitive gleam in her eye sparked and she grinned. “You know that I’m faster than you,  _ chaton _ , but you’re welcome to try.” And with that, she launched off the basilica’s rooftop and was soaring across the skyline. 

Adrien allowed himself to check once behind his shoulder to make sure nothing was waiting in the shadows before he took off after her.

***

The remainder of the evening didn’t improve for Adrien. Everywhere they went, small things like yowling cats, sudden coughs, and bangs in the night had his hackles raised. Everything was a potential akuma. He tried to act as normal as possible, knowing Ladybug was keeping a watchful eye on him. 

They ended patrol at their usual spot on top of the Eiffel Tower and before he could take off, he felt Ladybug gently put a hand on his shoulder. He still flinched at her sudden touch, and she immediately released her hold on him. 

“Chat, are you  _ sure  _ I can’t do anything?”

He turned to her and found himself caught up in her bluest of blue eyes, which were only centimeters away. He hadn’t realized she’d been so close and now their faces were nearly touching.

“Um…” he swallowed and subtly leaned away, wishing he didn’t feel so claustrophobic. “Yeah, I’m sure. But there’s no need to worry, I—”

“That’s a load of bull, Chat, and you know it.”

He recoiled at her sharp tone, but didn’t shy away. He wasn’t surprised she wasn’t buying it, she wasn’t stupid.

“You’re on edge, jumping at everything, even me,” she continued, “You’re distracted and quiet and you haven’t made a single pun all night. I know we have separate lives, but c’mon Chat, you’re my partner! I care about you, please just let me help! I don’t care how little the task is…I just don’t want to see you so upset, doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

And just like that, all the emotions he’d been trying to shove down and ignore came bubbling back up. Far too strong to ignore at this point. He suddenly took her wrist and pulled her to his chest, holding her as close and as tightly as he could. He buried his face in her hair and squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears prick at the edges of his eyes. 

“It means more to me than you can imagine, My Lady,” he murmured in her ear, his voice thick with unshed tears. “Please believe me when I say that you being here is more than I could ever need.” He let her go and took a step back, taking out his baton and extending it. “I’ll see you later, Ladybug.” Then before he could change his mind, he jumped off the Eiffel Tower and headed home.

***

Adrien dropped into his bedroom without the usual ceremony, muttering his detransformation. He didn’t wait for Plagg as he shuffled his way to the bathroom and turned the dial on the shower. Stripping and standing under the hot water, he closed his eyes and leaned against the tile wall, trying just to focus on the sound of the falling water and the feel of it on his skin and nothing else. Especially not his talk with Ladybug. 

Her words threatened to run on repeat through his head. As much as she wanted to help, he couldn’t burden her like that. She no doubt had her own problems and he already acted ridiculous around her on a daily basis. There was no need to add pathetic to the list.   
He got out of the shower only once the water turned icy cold and even then it was still reluctant. He _didn’t_ want to go to sleep, knowing he’d more than likely lose that battle. He changed into an oversized t-shirt and loose boxers and then stared at himself in the mirror. He didn’t know if he’d be able to sleep tonight and he was considering taking sleeping pills, if only because Nathalie had pointed out how tired he looked today on the way to school. She’d reminded him of a big photo shoot that was coming up and if his father saw pictures of him looking like the walking dead, then he actually _would_ join the dead. 

At the very least his father would lecture him for who knows how long on taking care of himself. And he would just have to sit there and endure it because there was  _ no way  _ he could reach out for help. Not that his father would actually give that help. He’d probably just set up an appointment with a psychologist with a monotonous voice and smelled like old books.

No, ranting to Plagg was good enough, but that still didn’t solve his insomnia problem. Figuring it was better than nothing, he opened the medicine cabinet, and dug around until he found a small white bottle. He shook out a couple of pills and put the bottle back, then filled up the small glass on his bathroom counter.

“You know, you should really eat something with those.”

Adrien ignored Plagg and brushed past him, taking the pills and water back to his bed. “I’m not hungry.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you still need to eat, kid.” Plagg flew in front of Adrien’s face, forcing his charge to look at him.

“It’s midnight, it’s too late.”

“It’s not too late when you skipped dinner earlier and then flew around Paris all night. Your body needs the food kid, eat.” Plagg took hold of Adrien’s shirt and tried tugging the boy over to where the silver dish still sat waiting on the coffee table, but Adrien ignored him and swallowed the pills and water.

“Adrien, I’m worried.”

Adrien couldn’t help but snort at that. “I’m fine, Plagg, just tired. I’ll eat in the morning, okay?”

“Kid, I hate seeing you like this. That akuma really messed you up and now I’m  _ really _ worried. You need help.”

“Help from who?!” Adrien rounded on Plagg, feeling the anger surge up so suddenly it would have shocked him if he hadn’t been so grateful to actually  _ feel  _ something different from the guilt eating him alive. “I can’t get help! No one knows that I’m Chat Noir!”

“Talk to Ladybug—”

“No, I’m not talking to her, Plagg. What do you think she’ll think of me if I admit that I’ve been having nightmares over a stupid akuma?” Plagg opened his mouth to speak, but Adrien cut him off. He was far from done. “I’m a superhero, I’m supposed to save the day and have it be no big deal. This is my job! So if I’m stuck with nightmares just for Paris to stay safe, for  _ Ladybug  _ to stay safe, then so be it.” 

Plagg huffed, clearly frustrated. “I may not be aware of what happens when you have the mask on, but trust me,I know how much Ladybug cares about you. Tikki wouldn’t pick someone who doesn’t care about their partner. She’s not like that. Forget about romance…Ladybug cares about you because you’re  _ partners _ ! You’re meant to have each other’s backs, that’s why Ladybug and Chat Noir are always a  _ team. _ ”

Adrien let out a long sigh. “Fine, whatever you say. Can I go to bed now?”

“I’m going to assume you’re  _ not  _ going to eat, then?”

“I’ll eat in the morning. Good night.”

Adrien flung the covers open and crawled into bed, burying himself in the layers and closed his eyes. He could already feel the medication taking effect. It was quiet and just as he was drifting off, he thought he heard Plagg mutter, “For you kid, I hope it is.”

***

Waking up for Adrien was like slowly dragging himself through water and trying to break the surface. Every time he tried, the sweet, heavy fog of sleep pulled him back under and he felt himself drifting again. His body was sluggish and mind blissfully blank.

At least until Nathalie showed up to drag him out of bed, insisting he get to breakfast or else he was going to be late. He dragged himself out of bed and barely paid attention to what clothes he was pulling on or when he brushed his messy hair to the side in an attempt to tame it. Last night’s sleep was the first real sleep he’d gotten, completely free of nightmares or dreams. He already missed it.

Breakfast was quick and tasteless, the only reason why he even managed to eat was because Nathalie was watching. Plagg had already poked him in the chest with a sharp claw as a not-so-subtle threat from inside his shirt. Then it was off to school where he would hopefully keep his cool, unlike last time. 

Just as he was heading up the steps to the front entrance, he heard from behind him,

“A-Adrien!” 

He turned and saw Marinette running up to him, face red and heaving gasps. She must have been late again.  _ He  _ was barely on time as it was.

“Yeah, Marinette?”

“Do you…” she paused to take a couple of steadying breaths. “Do you want to hang out after school?”

Adrien blinked. Well this was a surprise. “Like to work on our project together?”

Marinette winced. “Well, I mean sure, we could…but I was thinking more of just hanging out, y-y’know? Alya was saying how she found a new caf é just a few blocks over and I, um…I thought you’d be interested. Nino said he’d be interested in coming too.” She gave him a hopeful smile.

Normally he would take her offer up in a heartbeat. He didn’t nearly have enough time to hang out with friends because of his extracurriculars…but on the other hand he was so tired despite getting to sleep last night. And if he was being completely honest with himself, he really wasn’t in the mood for any kind of company. Being around people was exhausting and frustrating and he already had to deal with Plagg, let alone pretend he was fine for longer than necessary that day. 

“Ah…I’m sorry…I don’t think I can today. Maybe some other time though.” He watched as disappointment flickered across her face before she hid it with a soft smile.

“It’s okay, I just figured…I’d offer. Maybe we can plan for a time when you’re not so busy.”

He nodded numbly. “That sounds great.”

“Do you…um, do you want to go into class together?” she gestured up to the waiting doors of the building.

“Uh, sure. That’s where we’re both heading, right?”

She hummed in affirmation and took up the place beside him. He should have been happy that Marinette was finally talking to him without stuttering. He  _ should  _ have asked her about her morning  and make friendly conversation. But he stayed quiet, already feeling too drained to do anything other than silently accompany her to class and hope the day went by quickly so he could go home. 


End file.
